Meditation on the question, "What am I?"
First, sit and ask the question what am I. Understand that what you are refers
to your essence. You are looking for the constant that underlies life itself. The
constant that allows your heart to pump, your food to digest, and air to be
breathed. If your answer is “kind” or “loving”, ask “what is kind”, “what is
loving”. Your interest is to always get deeper into the contemplation. You can
apply the simple question, “what is…(your answer” or “what sees that I am…
(your answer)”. Both of these questions will create answers that are
increasingly more subtle. Continue to repeat this process asking the three
questions, “what am I”, “what is….(the answer that you gave)”, and “what sees
(the answer that you gave)”. Eventually, you will begin to lose identification
and you will have a sense of I don’t know. Eventually you will just sit with no
answer. This is where you want to be. This is a good time to start the meditation.
Close your eyes and softly ask the question what am I. Notice your attention
flowing from one sensation in your body to another. You can notice your
breath, “what is breathing”, any discomfort, “what is uncomfortable”, and any
pleasure, “what feels blissful?” Gently ask these questions as you notice the
different sensations in your body, but do not answer. At this point, the hum of
“I don’t know” is the knowing. The lack of identification and the surrender to
the present moment allow this existence or “I don’t know” sense to flower. So
as there continues to be this hum of “I don’t know” sit quietly and ask the
question, “what am I?” Don’t answer and just continue to sit in this sense of “I
Realize that if you are observing something you must be earlier than that.
Meaning, if I experience myself as peaceful and I observe peacefulness I must
be earlier. If I perceive something I must be earlier than it because if I don’t
exist, I cannot observe…so what is observing? What am I? Continue to ask
these questions as you sit in the sense of “I don’t know”. If you begin to sit
totally in silence remember to gently ask the question. You don’t want to stop
the question because you are in a state of peace or bliss or complete
acceptance, it is here that you want to keep the inquiry going….what am I…
what am I.
As you do this meditation more you will lose your identifications faster and
you will surrender much more quickly. You will realize that if I perceive
something, I must be earlier. Once this is realized and the practice continued,
you will continue to open and surrender more readily, you will begin to
observe and see yourself and the world much more deeply, and you will
eventually realize your true nature.